Same Clothes, No Relationship

My mom and dad divorced when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I've only seen my dad a handful of times throughout my life; I'm 22. A few years ago, my senior year of high school, I came home from work and my mom told me that my dad had called me.

I got on the phone and called him back. I asked what was up and he told me he had bad news about my grandmother - she had cancer meaning both of my grandparents had the disease. I could hear in his voice that tears were beginning to form so I offered to visit him right then and he said he would like that.

I arrived at his apartment, knocked on the door, and when he opened it I offered a hug. We hugged and he broke down into tears. This was the first time ever that I saw him display any sincere emotion outside of the obligated father / son affection.

We sat down and talked about my grandmother's diagnosis. He calmed down and made himself some soup. When he came back from the kitchen, he noticed that my coat was of the brand 'St. John's Bay'. He asked, "Hey, did you pick this coat?" I said, "Yeah," hesitantly not knowing where he was going, especially since there was a glimmer of excitement in his eyes. He told me to wait one second and when he came back in he was holding his coat. "Check that out," he told me. I looked at the tag: 'St. John's Bay'. He sat down and we began to talk about our clothing choices: Exact. We love to wear jeans, boots, flannel shirts, and 'St. John's Bay' coats. We began talking about politics. Our views were matching up. We began to talk about movies. Our views were matching up.

This was stunning considering I had not seen him for the last four years and that was when my various tastes developed. Without any influence from my dad, I adopted styles and tastes that were exactly similar to his.

I left that night with the both of us excited by the possibility of a genuine friendship blossoming out of this time.

You know how many times I've seen him since then? Around 5 times: 2 family reunions, 2 funerals, and 1 time this past summer.

Am I his son? Even though we wear the same clothes and have the same tastes, there is no relationship between us. I do not actively talk to him on the phone, visit him, ask him for his advice, check in just to check in, help when asked, and so on. We have the same clothes, but we don't have a deep relationship. Am I his son?

This question can be asked about my relationship between me and my heavenly Father. As a Christian, I have the same tastes as God does - certain music I like, certain clothes I think are appropriate to wear, certain desires to see the oppressed helped. But do I have an active relationship with my heavenly Father?

Sure, I look like him on the outside, but how do I look like him on the inside?

Do I actively seek his opinion for any situation?

Do I actively ask him what's on his mind?

Do I actively try to discover what he desires?

Do I actively seek time where I just sit and listen?

Do I call him?

Do I have the same clothes and the same heart? Do I only look like his son on the outside, but on the inside I don't share the same heart? Do I look like him and act like him?

Father, I recognize there are so many times in my life when I look like you. I don't like filthy language. I don't like drug abuse. I don't like the fact that there are orphans in Africa. If we were to sit down we would have much to discuss about our tastes. But, Father, I also recognize that our hearts are different. I don't actively seek people who are hurting. I don't actively seek to be an agent of reconciliation. I don't actively ask what's on your mind. I don't have an active relationship as a son should with you. Father, you discipline your children for their good. I ask that you show me how to act like you in all ways that we may actively walk together throughout this life. You work so that your holiness may be demonstrated through your power working through my hands, and I get the joy. Father, work. Draw my heart deeper to your through the cross of your Son. Work through me and through my brothers and sisters who desire to know you deeper. Let me not simply sit down with you when you call me or when we "accidentally" run into each other. I'm sorry I've messed up and I praise you for your grace; thank you that there is no limit with you for second chances. In Jesus' name, amen.